Day #9

I am still at it! In fact, I pushed myself tonight. I didn't want to work out, was tired and shaky. I decided to go to the gym anyway and see if maybe I'd just walk on the treadmill. Ended up doing an hour, and did some 5 min intervals ala C25K. I'm not following it exactly, which I hope doesn't bite me in the ass. I'm pushing harder than they suggest. But, I need this fat off my body, and I need to get back into shape. Fast. So tonight, motivated by "Sweet Home Alabama" playing on the speaker, a lady that I see jogging all the time entering the room, and my own "I can do this!" I ended up doing an 8 minute long interval. And it felt GREAT! At the end of it, when I went back to walking, I wanted to say "YESSSSS!"

I was in such a zone. It was wonderful. I'll be back there tomorrow.

Food wise, I'm doing well. I'm limiting calories and feeding my body what it needs. My one downfall has been some dairy free ice cream I bought. I need to stay away from it. Though I've eaten it in portions significantly smaller than usual, it still isn't feeding my body. It's mindless eating and I don't need it.

As of Sunday I had lost 7 lbs.

Day 5

Just remembered I have this blog.

So. Back in January nothing changed. Nothing has changed in a good while.

My family as a whole eats fairly well. My oldest son's food restrictions and an awareness of toxins have brought food to the top of our priority list.

Here's my confession, though. I cheated like hell. I found excuses to eat, and eat poorly. I ran through fast food windows like no one's business (okay, so maybe twice a week, and it was smoothies, shakes, lemonade a lot of the time) I went to coffee shops a lot. Somehow in my mind, buying good food at the grocery store, making good meals for my family, I was treating my body well.

DENIAL!

This week began a new lifestyle. I am examining each and every meal I'm eating. I'm figuring out a rhythm of how to eat... when, why, what, where. I'm trying to eat a lot more vegetables and limit the processed food. Even organic processed food. It's harder for my body to use that food for energy. I'm not loving my body by putting processed food into it, no matter if it is organic. Processed is processed.

Beyond food, I also am working out. I am beginning the Couch to 5k (I think, I may be crazy) and also have a goal of working out at least 6 hours a week total.

Why am I starting this? Health problems. The likelyhood that I have lupus. Knowing that if I get rid of the extra fat on my body, I also get rid of some of what's making me sick. Toxins are stored in fat. I'm looking at it as burning off the toxins and healing my body.

I'm hoping to lose weight but that's not my focus in the end. My starting weight on Monday, July 25 was 209 lbs. I am already down about 6 lbs as of today, day 5.

My kids are with my mom and I have a break. Just ate my new staple lunch (greens, kale, almonds, feta, dried cranberries) and am going to get ready to go work out for at least an hour and a half. This will include jogging for the first time in... um? I have no idea.

Food is energy.

With so much negative energy in this world, I have control over putting positive, loving energy into my body in the form of food.

Day two.

Yesterday I counted calories, counted protein grams, and looked at what "groups" I was eating from. I was surprised that I ate over 100 grams of protein.

My intention is not to keep track of calories. My intention is to be held accountable for loving my body and treating it well.

Today and yesterday, I shoveled the driveway for exercise. Will probably start the treadmill tomorrow or Thursday.

I am awful about blogging. But I feel like having a place to write all of this down would be great.

I am coming out of being sick for a month. It was awful.

I wrote this last week:

So, it's mid-January, and the depression is in full force. I hate to even call it “depression” because I feel like it's used far too much to describe periods of life that frankly just blow. How do I know it's “really” depression?

I can barely make it through the days sometimes. I push on through, of course. I take care of my kids. But there's so much exhaustion and resentment there. A lot of that is because I've been sick for the better part of a month. Brutally sick, not just a cold or the sniffles. Need to be in bed, can't fucking move SICK. I've had some time to think about this. I know it's connected. I know that my mind knows we aren't doing too good here. I know my body knows my mind isn't doing too good. It's all overlapping.

That is the cliff's notes. The stress around here is unbelievable and I found myself coping with food. I went on a week-long sugar binge, and what happened? Sick. Depressed. Cycling back and forth for a month.

I am going to use this blog to explore the connection between body and mind, between health and dis-ease. I am going to use this blog to explore my relationship with food, which I am admitting openly is an addiction-like relationship. I am going to use this blog to explore exercise, food, relationships, activities, habits, etc.

This is not a "I'm going to be a better person in every single way." type of blog. It's also not a blog to talk about all of my imperfections and engage in negative self-talk.

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity”